This post is an emotional ranting, one I’d like to note down for my own records more than anything. I am glad that I have this anonymous medium to post right now, as I am unsure of what else to do with my feelings at this time.
Sometimes, you give something everything and in return, you get heart palpitations. You get suicidal thoughts, anxiety, inability to sit still and your mind races. I can’t begin to shake how I feel because it’s only unravelling now. I despise my job. I have been setup for failure and it feels as though I am part of an experiment.
I am not sure what to do, but thoughts of leaving are cathartic. I am depressed, anxious and I don’t want to move forward anymore. God help me, despite being an atheist. I just can’t anymore. I need to so something – I just don’t know what.
I think I’ll look for something new, but I need to take a few additional months of torture whilst I participate in the untoward experiment. I am not even sure what I’ll do afterwards – nothing excites me.
Perhaps I’ll speak to somebody, get some help of some sort. I can’t survive on my own right now. I just know I can’t go on the way I am feeling right now. Something has to change, and I don’t want to have suicidal thoughts anymore.
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